The following was copied from a Gmail conversation, with permission from Lady Courage. It all started with a strange new speech impediment, which led to a Facebook status about said speech impediment. It went thus:
So today...
What I was trying to say: "Yeah, he's been obsessing about that all day."
What I actually said: "Yeah, he's been obSnapeing about that all day."
Not sure where that came from. But it led to an interesting conversation about Freudian slips, which led to an interesting conversation about Freud, which led to an interesting conversation about the subconscious mind, which led to me stating:
"Yeah, my subconscious/unconscious mind is an interesting place. I think really differently when I'm asleep than I do when I'm awake. For example, in real life, I love snakes and I'm not afraid of them at all. Yet, in my dreams, I'm always being attacked by snapes."
I accidentally called Freud "Snape" too.
And this Facebook status led to a very interesting discussion with Lady Courage, and turned up some shocking discoveries which I will relate to you in this blog post.
Before getting down to business, there are four things you, my reader, must know before continuing.
1. “Friendly Mushroom” is how I have Lady Courage listed in my Gmail contacts, and that is why her name appears as such in the convo below.
2. Content warning. We do not have dirty minds, but apparently some anagram solver programs do.
3. Spoiler warning. This blog post contains some spoilers concerning Harry Potter.
4. Neither I, nor Lady Courage, have any association with NAPE in real life. I’m sure they are a wonderful company/expo/thing. This has been a disclaimer.
We will now move onto the actual convo, without further ado.
~
Me: I had the most hilarious problem last night. I was super tired, and had been reading too much Harry Potter all day. And whenever I said a word that began with S (and some words that didn't begin with S) I would accidentally say it as "Snape". It kept happening. Accidentally.
FriendlyMushroom: /me laughs
Me: It happened so much, anyone would have sworn I was doing it on purpose, but I wasn't. XD I've never had something like that happen to me before. At least, to that extent. Apparently my subconscious fancies him. :P
FriendlyMushroom: Apparently!
Me: It's really funny, because I've only seen Alan Rickman in a couple of things. And when I saw him in those things, I didn't really think about him at all. But I've had these really random, recurring dreams since then where I marry Alan Rickman. Then, I start reading Harry Potter. And accidentally turn every word into "Snape". How can my subconscious fancy someone I don’t?
FriendlyMushroom: NO. CLUE. XD
Your subconscious is opinionated. And independent.
Me: Very. I mean, look at all the stuff it dreams up.
FriendlyMushroom: Yes. XD
Me: Oh dear... I just clicked on "Potions" on Mousehunt... And I was like, "I am the Potions Master. B-) " Then I remembered who the Potions Master is on HP... It. Keeps. Happening. o.o
FriendlyMushroom: You're being haunted.
Me: Yes. Haunted by Severus Snape.
FriendlyMushroom: Snape's trying to tell you something. But what? O.O
Me: Hmm...
FriendlyMushroom: /me claps deerstalker hat on Riella's head
Me: /me is now Sherlock Holmes.
Ironically, Sherlock Holmes is played by Benedict Cumberbatch, who is also famous for his Alan Rickman impression.
See. Everything leads back to Snape.
FriendlyMushroom: /me lol's
Me: It's like destiny.
FriendlyMushroom: It is.
Me: Wow... So... Snape is my destiny? Not sure what to think about that.
FriendlyMushroom: Hmmm... Maybe... Maybe it means you'll marry a potion master IRL! :D
OK, so what's a modern-day potion master...
Me: Are there real potion masters?
FriendlyMushroom: Pharmacist?
Me: Ah.
FriendlyMushroom: Scientist?
Me: Hmm. Maybe it's an anagram.
FriendlyMushroom: I don't even know what a potion master is, so, whutevuh.
/me blinks
Anagram?
Me: /me goes to type "Severus Snape" into an anagram solver.
FriendlyMushroom: XD
Try potion master too. Or any other titles commonly associated with him.
Or all of them put together!
Me: The first result is… "Suaveness Rep"
So, Snape represents suaveness.
FriendlyMushroom: /me cracks up
Me: xDDDD
FriendlyMushroom: /me stops
...
James Bond?
Me: Snape is secretly James Bond.
FriendlyMushroom: O.O
Mind. Blown.
Me: Next result -- "A Nerve Pusses"
FriendlyMushroom: Oh, oh dear. XD
Me: Some of these I can't even repeat...
FriendlyMushroom: XD
Me: "A Seven Purses"
Maybe he wants me to buy a new purse.
FriendlyMushroom: But that would be seven purses.
He wants you to buy seven purses? o.O
For realz. That's a bit excessive. If that's what he wants he should give you some money.
Me: Or maybe I'll come across seven purses. One of them will be the right one, and the other 6 will kill me.
FriendlyMushroom: O.O
Well, that could be it.
So the right one is the suave, James Bond-y purse.
Me: "Nape Serves Us"
FriendlyMushroom: /me blinks
I don't think I quite get it...
Me: That's clearly a message. Someone is named Nape... And he serves us... But who is he?
/me googles "Who is Nape?"
FriendlyMushroom: O.O
Ohhhh. O.O
Who?
Me: "About NAPE. The North America Prospect Expo, better known as NAPE is the world's largest E&P (upstream) expo. NAPE Expo provides a marketplace for the buying, selling and trading of oil and gas prospects and producing properties via exhibit booths. NAPE is the premier E&P networking venue - where one can see what's going on throughout the entire oil patch in two days. The goal of the NAPE staff is to offer you the best market place possible for creating deals. With this in mind, NAPE brings prospects and producing properties (from the U.S. and around the world), capital formation, services and technologies all together in one location, creating an environment to establish strategic alliances for doing business and initiating purchases and trades."
FriendlyMushroom: /me blinks
sooo...
If oil people serve us...
Wait, who's us? You and Snape?
Me: Snape and I, I think... But it's a bit vague...
I'm going to type "Alan Rickman" into the anagram solver, and see if that provides any clarification.
…
"Animal Crank"
FriendlyMushroom: XD
Me: "Airman Clank"
FriendlyMushroom: Airmen Clank!
Me: *Airman.
I wonder if it's a name...
FriendlyMushroom: OK, so oil people are going to serve you and a pilot with the nickname, or last name, Clank. Which means y'all'll be rich.
Unless the oil market collapses.
Me: So, is Clank my future husband or my business partner?
FriendlyMushroom: Hmmm...
I don't know.
Could be either.
They are in many ways similar positions. XD
Me: Maybe there are more clues...
/me looks at the other anagram results.
"Alarm Can Ink"
Or "Alarm Ink Can."
FriendlyMushroom: You'll be woken up by a can full of ink dumped on you? o.O
Is this how you'll know who Airman Clank is?
Me: "Anal Man Rick"
FriendlyMushroom: O.O
No.
Me: xDDD
FriendlyMushroom: XD
Me: So, a gay man named Rick might be involved.
/me keeps looking...
FriendlyMushroom: Oh no. XD
Me: "Calk Rain Man"
I've heard of a movie named Rain Man.
FriendlyMushroom: Oh, yes!
I think that's the one about a boy with autism...
Me: So... a gay autistic man?
FriendlyMushroom: Do autistic people even have sexual desires? o.O
So many of them are averse to human contact.
Me: Sure.
FriendlyMushroom: Oh, I suppose a mildly autistic one..
Me: Asperger's Syndrome is a form of autism. The guy from Owl City has that.
FriendlyMushroom: Oh, true. True. That could count.
Me: "Calm Ani Nark"
FriendlyMushroom: Calm Ani?
Anakin was not calm.
Me: Maybe it's a request.
He's not calm, so we have to calm him down.
FriendlyMushroom: How do we find Anakin?
Or perhaps...
Perhaps just someone LIKE him.
Me: Maybe there are instructions later on...
Maybe Rick is supposed to calm him down.
FriendlyMushroom: Oh, OK.
So maybe gay, autistic Rick is like Anakin?
Me: So, the message Snape has given me so far is that I and some airman are going to get rich from an oil company that serves us. And a gay man with Asperger's Syndrome is going to calm down Ani. I wonder how those two are connected, though. And if there's anything more to the message.
FriendlyMushroom: /me snickers
Well, have you tried all Snape's other names?
Me: Not yet....
I'm still going through the results of "Alan Rickman".
Oh, here's another one.
"A Lack Ram Inn"
OR
"A Lack Arm Inn"
So there's an inn where someone is lacking an arm.
FriendlyMushroom: Is this gay Rick?
Me: Wasn't Ani missing an arm or something?
FriendlyMushroom: O.O
Part of one, yes.
Me: Well, there you go.
FriendlyMushroom: Yes. O.O
OK, so he has physical traits like Anakin too.
Me: Or maybe Ani is who it's referring to.
"A Car Man Link".
So, there's a link to a car man.
And cars use oil...
FriendlyMushroom: Hmmm...
Somehow, "Ani" is connected to the oil people.
Me: "A Man Ran Lick"
FriendlyMushroom: Lickety Split? XD A man ran away lickety split.
Some guy is running away?
Ani?
Or Rick?
Me: Or the airman. o.o
FriendlyMushroom: So confusing. O.O
He needs to give better messages.
Like, 'ya know, write a note or something.
Me: Maybe it's a really dangerous secret. So it has to be in code.
FriendlyMushroom: In code? O.O
me: Let's see if there are any more parts of the message...
/me is going to put in "Potions Master" now...
FriendlyMushroom: Does he have any other titles?
Me: /me thinks.
I'm only on book two, so there might be a lot I don't know of yet.
FriendlyMushroom: Oh, that's true...
You could look him up on Wiki.
Me: There are also the other roles Alan Rickman has played...
FriendlyMushroom: But this far, it's only been Snape.
Me: No, because before that I had recurring dreams about marrying Alan Rickman.
FriendlyMushroom: Oh. Well... That makes it quite difficult to narrow down. He's played in a LOT of movies.
Me: Yeah.
Hmm... My computer is having trouble loading the results for "potions master".
FriendlyMushroom: Must be a lot. O.O
Perhaps you don't have all of the message yet?
Me: Well, I've been getting the messages by putting his name through an anagram solver.
FriendlyMushroom: Yes, but perhaps there's more than just the anagrams.
Oooor... Because only the WORD Snape has been emphasized, that's the only character that has any significance in the anagram maker.
Me: What about all the stuff we got by putting Alan Rickman's name through it?
FriendlyMushroom: Hmm...
Well, you did have recurring dreams about HIM.
It's him and Snape.
But frankly, even the anagrams are pretty vague.
Me: Yeah. But they all seem to be pointing toward oil.
FriendlyMushroom: Indeed.
Oil and two men.
Me: Three men.
FriendlyMushroom: Oh yeah!
Three men.
...
Where are the girls? o.O
Me: There's me. :P
FriendlyMushroom: Just you? XD
Me: I am enough. B-)
FriendlyMushroom: True. B-)
And you might be rich enough too.
Me: Yes. Although, some of the men might be bad men who are out to get my oil. Maybe the message is to warn me about them.
FriendlyMushroom: O.O
Anakin. One armed Anakin, whom you meet in an inn. Or hotel.
But you're supposed to calm him...
Me: I thought gay autistic Rick met him in a hotel...
FriendlyMushroom: Did he?
I thought we had guessed that part...
Then again, I'm guessing you meet Anakin here too. If he's the one you need to look out for.
Me: Or maybe Anakin lost a bunch of money. And Rick calms him down by telling him that the two of them are going to steal all my oil. And then they run to do so, lickety split.
FriendlyMushroom: /me laughs
THAT COULD BE IT.
Me: Could be.
FriendlyMushroom: But how are you going to know which version is right? In one interpretation Rick's a good guy. In another, he's evil.
Me: There's probably something more to put through the anagram solver...
FriendlyMushroom: Anakin is just kinda half there half not through it all though.
Me: I'm going to see if Snape has any other nicknames.
FriendlyMushroom: Good idea. :D
Me: He's the head of the house of Slytherin...
FriendlyMushroom: Oh. House of Slytherin. Or maybe Head of the House of Slytherin?
Me: OH!!!!
I looked him up...
And it said "Severus Snape. This article is about the character nicknamed the ‘Half-Blood Prince‘."
“JACKPOT RIGHT??? WHHAAAT.”
FriendlyMushroom: /me laughs!!
Half-Blood Prince! Well! There's a name for 'ya!
IT COULD BE THE MISSING LINK!!
... And that was totally spoilery.
Snape's the Half-Blood Prince? o.O
/me is clueless
Me: I guess.
FriendlyMushroom: /me cares not
You probably have half the series spoiled anyway, right? XD
Me: Well, I'm not sure what the half-blood prince is anyway. So I don't know.
FriendlyMushroom: XD
Me: Oh, and my computer just gave me the results for potions master.
/me looks at the results.
"Mistreat Spoon"
OR
"Mistreat Snoop"
FriendlyMushroom: O.O
Someone. Is going to mistreat a spoon!!!
AND a snoop!!!
The snoop might deserve it though.
Me: Oh, here's a really mysterious one.
"Spearmints Too"
FriendlyMushroom: O.O
Spearmints too.
Me: "Inmates Troops"
There's a war on the horizon...
FriendlyMushroom: With lots of prison inmates fighting as troops. Whoever is fighting must be desperate.
Me: "Matronise Spot"
"Misstate Porno"
So, someone misstates a porno?
Here's the best one so far: "Patronises Tom"
"Stationers Mop"
"Painters Moots"
The mods are always having moots. :-o
Maybe there will be painters at the next one.
"Panties Motors"
Motors? Like the car?
OR
"Sapient Motors"
FriendlyMushroom: Oh dear. This isn't very helpful... XD
Me: "Patients Rooms"
People are going to end up in the hospital!
"Arisen Topmost"
"Pastiest Moron"
We need to gather up all the morons and see which one is the pastiest!
"Stateroom Spin"
"Postmaster Ion"
I wonder who postmaster Ion is.
Maybe he's a pasty moron.
FriendlyMushroom: Maybe! Or maybe he's the one who has Arisen Topmost.
Me: "Mare Spittoons"
So, there will be spitting horses.
FriendlyMushroom: Female horses.
She must have been raised by llamas.
Me: "Masters Option"
FriendlyMushroom: O.O
The master will have an option.
Snape??
Airman Clank?
Postmaster Ion?
Me: Gay Rick?
FriendlyMushroom: One armed Anakin who needs to be calmed?
YOU?
Me: "Steam Portions"
FriendlyMushroom: Portions of what? o.O
Is steam a verb, or a noun?
Me: "Teaspoons Trim"
Omigosh...
I found the center of the plot...
"Omit Patroness"
FriendlyMushroom: O.O
Who is the Patroness?? O.O
...
...
Me: I AM!!
FriendlyMushroom: Patroness? I thought you were the beneficiary!
Me: Because I'm the one who owns all the oil, so I'm the one who gives it to the car companies. To Sentient Motors.
FriendlyMushroom: You don't give it though, you sell it. Otherwise you're not rich.
Me: I mean, I'm their beneficiary.
It's all coming together. Ani and Rick are part of Sentient motors and they have an evil plot against me. And they're going to send an army of inmates after me, all riding spitting female horses.
FriendlyMushroom: O.O
Me: Omigosh...
This is really creepy...
Look what result it just gave me...
"Nape Motorists"
FriendlyMushroom: O.O
But- but!
Nape is the good guys!
Me: Are they?
ARE they?
FriendlyMushroom: They're your oil company!
Or the oil company you have something to do with. Because it serves you.
Me: This conspiracy runs deep...
FriendlyMushroom: Very. O.O
Me: it was only pretedning!
*pretending
FriendlyMushroom: No WONDER Snape needs you.
Me: My grammar is falling apart even as we speak...
The end is soon.
FriendlyMushroom: NO! D8
me: /me keeps looking at the results, searching for a solution...
FriendlyMushroom: What about Airman Clank?
Me: "I Motor Snape"
o.o
FriendlyMushroom: O.O
Eh?
Me: "Arsonist Tempo"
FriendlyMushroom: O.O
Me: "Armpit Soonest"
"Saints Promote"
"Optima Stoners"
"Station Mopers"
"Patriots Omens"
"Sportiest Moan"
FriendlyMushroom: Soooo... The Saints promote the soonest armpit from optimum stoners? They mope in stations and speak omens of patriots. And they have sporting moans. The very sportiest.
Me: "Manors Potties"
FriendlyMushroom: I'm sure those are very nice.
me: "Romans Tiptoes"
"Snootiest Ramp"
Now it's going to get very complicated...
FriendlyMushroom: And this wasn't complicated before?
Me: "A Misspent Root"
"A Imposter Snot"
We must be on the lookout for imposter snot.
FriendlyMushroom: Lovely. I'll be looking into everyone's kleenex.
IS YOUR SNOT LEGIT???? O.O
me: xDDDD
"A Spinster Moot"
FriendlyMushroom: Oh, that's easy. Just get all the female NW mods.
Me: True.
"Marine Pot Toss"
"A Mentor Posits"
Who is my mentor? Snape?
FriendlyMushroom: I'm gonna guess Snape... After all, he's the one giving you these crazy messages. Only a mentor gives weird tasks like that. Randomly. Without explanation.
Me: "Airmen Stops To"
FriendlyMushroom: Stops to what??
Me: "Primate On Toss"
An airman stops to toss primates?
"Primate Snot So"
Ohhhh
Someone forges someone else's snot, by using the snot from primates.
"Armies Not Stop"
The armies won't stop attacking us. e_e
"Smarties No Top"
FriendlyMushroom: Errrrm...
Me: No wait... that wasn't it...
"Smarties On Top"
The smart people are going to come out on top.
Is that us or them?
FriendlyMushroom: Us. We didn't hire inmates to fight for us.
Me: "Senorita Ms Pot"
There's another girl. o.o
FriendlyMushroom: A bit older lady, I'd say. She's Ms. Pot.
Me: Senorita is a young term, I think...
FriendlyMushroom: Hmmm... Yes it is. It's a young woman. But then it's contradictory. Ms is not young. But Senorita is.
Me: "ms." refers to someone who you don't know if they're married or not. So a young woman who may or may not be married.
FriendlyMushroom: True... OK, there we go.
Me: /me finishes the results for "Potions master".
I think we'd better do half blood prince next. I think that's the important one.
FriendlyMushroom: Indeed.
Me: Whoa...
/me gets the results...
"Cabled Flop Rhino"
FriendlyMushroom: o.O
Me: "Boldface Horn Lip"
"Bachelor Fold Pin"
"Hebraic Fond Poll"
These all sound like really creative insults.
At least, the first two do.
"You cabled flop rhino!" "You boldfaced horn-lip!"
…
"Hello Fabric Pond"
"Bifocal Held Porn" ← I really don't want to know.
FriendlyMushroom: Ew.
Me: "Bronchial Pod Elf"
"Blanch Droop File"
"Bad Chlorine Flop"
There's also a bunch of results involving carbon and chlorine. And a lot of other chemicals.
Sounds like... chemical warfare. With animals.
FriendlyMushroom: Oh dear.
Me: I see lots of mentions of crabs and dolphins.
OH!
The oil spills!
FriendlyMushroom: D8
…
Aaaand I'm sorry, but it's time for dinnah. XD
Being called.
Me: Aw, okay. XDD
I had fun detectiving with you!
FriendlyMushroom: As did I! :D
Glad you have at least part of the message figured out. B-)
I think you have most of the important part. Surely?
Me: But I'm sure Snape has more to say.
FriendlyMushroom: I'm sure.
